Become a Possibility Thinker
First you have to fix your belief that all the good men are taken. There are plenty of good, available men out there who would love the chance to date you. If you have the belief that all men are jackholes , then you need to take a step back and work on forgiveness before you get out there and date or guess what you will attract?
Really, men in general are a lot like women: Most men are good, kind, decent people; but occasionally you might run into a jackhole. But the thing is, you have no way of knowing what is going on his life right now – maybe he is just having a really bad day. Maybe there is something you said or the way you look that triggered some unresolved issue with a past girlfriend. Maybe this guy doesn’t get out much and really has no idea how to talk to women. Maybe he’s incredibly shy or nervous. Sound familiar? I’m sure you are guilty of being rude or standoffish to someone in all of those situations. Men and women are very different creatures…but we’re not that different!
You can meet wonderful men every time you go out your front door. The trick is to go out in the world each day with an attitude of “I wonder what possibilities will unfold for me today”? If you are open to the possibilities and you start looking for them, I guarantee more and more will just magically show up. It’s a matter of keeping your eyes open and having a positive – even expectant attitude that things are going to go your way and you will meet someone wonderful today. Be willing to take a little risk and be the first to smile and start a conversation. A lot of times, if you are willing to make it really easy for the guy to talk to you – if he is even remotely interested and available he will pick up the ‘conversation ball’ and start rolling with it.
What is Important to You?
You may have never thought about it like this, but what you think constitutes a “good man” is someone who shares your values. Many say that “opposites attract” – and they may seem like opposite personalities on the surface, but if it’s a healthy, long-term relationship, I guarantee they see eye to eye on what they consider the important things in life – their values.
A quick way to discover what your values are is to keep asking yourself these questions, “What is most important to me in life?”
“What is most important to me in relationships?” My favorite way to answer this question is to ask it a little differently: “What qualities does the man have that I want to grow old with?
Keep asking yourself those questions until you have at least 10 answers for each one.
Now, prioritize your answers. It’s best to keep your wish list to no more than 10 Must Haves. Any more than that and you will start using your list as an excuse to find fault with a guy before you have ever had the chance to really get to know him.
Broaden Your Horizons
Be open to possibilities. Once you have determined what your values are, you can start to rethink your wish list of traits for the perfect guy. If religion or a certain ethnic culture is not important to you, maybe you can broaden your selection of “good men” by dating someone from a different religion or ethnicity. If having more children is not important to you, maybe you can consider dating someone quite a bit older – or if having children is important to you, someone younger. What you are looking for is someone who shares your most important values, and if you are willing broaden your horizons, you will find you have a much bigger pool in which to choose from.
Start Where You Are
Start right where you are at. You don’t need to join a posh health club or dating service; you can still find great men to date in your everyday activities.
I have personally met wonderful men in these everyday places:
- Recreational parks
- The shopping mall
- My workplace (although use caution with this one – that should be the subject of another article!)
- ATM machine
- Grocery store
- Gas station
- Swap meet
- Farmer’s market
- My daughter’s school
- The children’s play area at my local McDonald’s
- Chuck E. Cheese (a pizza place with arcade games geared for young children and their parents)
- The freeway and the highway
Think of all the different places you go in a single week. Those are all golden opportunities for you to meet your guy – today could be the day!
Become a Joiner!
What activities do you enjoy – art, tennis, running, swing dancing, bowling, poker, cooking? What is important to you – owning your own business? Eating vegan? Your spirituality? A greener planet? A certain political party? Nowadays they have Meetup groups for just about every activity and interest out there – and if they don’t have it, you can start your own group. (Actually, starting a group is a great way to call attention to yourself: everyone comes to you when they sign up, you are seen as the leader and you get to choose the activities – you can work all of those things to your advantage.)
Every town or city has possibilities for you to meet other singles. Obviously your choices become more limited the smaller the town, but heck! Even in the tiny town my mom grew up in (22 in her graduating class) they had a softball team, a bowling league, a high school basketball team, church and a 4H Club. In the neighboring small town my dad grew up in they had all of those things plus a YMCA.
Find ways you can get involved. For instance, I’m a runner. There are several places I know of in my local area where on any given weekend I can find hundreds of other runners. Also, to offer myself a bit of a challenge and goal to work towards, there are plenty of races I can participate in where there would be thousands of other runners (oh, what WILL we do post-race?!). I can join running clubs or Meetup groups especially for runners. I could go online and chat on a forum specifically for runners. The point I am making is that with any special interest or activity that is important to you, there are several ways you can get involved doing something you like to do anyway where you can also meet your match.
So what do you enjoy doing? Make a list of as many activities you enjoy doing as well as things you are passionate about and then come up with all the different ways you can start NOW to get involved.
Who Do You Know?
The old tried and true method of “Who do you know”. Get over the stigma of getting “set up” by your friends. It is most likely your friends will know people who share the same values as you. The saying, “birds of a feather flock together” is true because people usually tend to hang out with people who are like them.
A Target-Rich Environment
I have made it no secret that I think online dating is one of the best ways to meet hundreds of men. Where else can you find out that much information about that many men in that short of a period of time? You can even do searches just looking for the top 1 or 2 “Must Haves” on your list – talk about saving time!
I recommend finding a major dating site you like and one niche one. Do a Google search and most likely you will come up with thousands!
Dating Services are also a good choice. Same concept as online dating, but more personalized attention and I think they take a lot of the work of weeding through profiles for you.
I don’t have any direct experience working with a dating coach; but I can certainly see how a dating coach might help shave what was for me, years of being stuck and frustrated.
I certainly hope I have given you a lot to think about and some ideas on how you can get started today. You don’t have to try all of these ideas out at once, just start. Give yourself a challenge to start one new conversation every day. Next give yourself the challenge to have one new date per week. Next thing you know, you will have found your life partner!
It’s time for you to finally get love RIGHT!
If you enjoyed this article, you might also enjoy, First Date Dating Tips: How to Get to the Second Date.
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